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Kids Are Smart That Way

As a teacher and a single parent, I find myself unable to depend on my ex for regular child support or assistance. Nevertheless, I would never tell him he couldn't see our kids. I wish he would spend more time with them, especially since he doesn't work, but he chooses to spend his time doing other things. That's fine. That's his choice. He has missed out on so much of their lives, though. It is really quite sad. The kids have noticed the choices he has made without me having to say anything. Kids are smart that way. Both are teen-agers. Both are quite bright. My son, the eldest, has gotten to the point that he doesn't want to spend any time at all with his dad. My daughter is starting to feel this way, too, but she is holding out hope that he will change. I just wish there was a way I could go back in time and pick a different father without having to change my kids. I wouldn't give them up for anything. It just sucks to know that a choice you made so long ago continues to have such negative consequences now.

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Comment by laura on December 24, 2011 at 12:46pm: You can't go back, and I struggle with the exact same thing you do. My teenage daughter's father has no choice in seeing her now, as he's in a prison for 15 more years, but before that time he made no move to give her attention and a stable life. I've often thought about that...what if I had chosen a different guy. When I think about the beautiful soul my daughter has, and the kindness she displays, it makes me feel better. My personal philosophy is that no one person is truly bad. There are many positive aspects that my daughter has that are directly related to her father's personality. His bad may outweigh to good, but I choose to embrace the good and tell my daughter this. I have absolutely no choice but to do it. He is the one that chose to rob banks, not his daughter. I made a decision to accentuate his kindness, but also point out that many people can still love but lack complete common sense and cannot find a way to mesh into a person's life, even if it's his or her own kid. You probably shouldn't beat yourself up over this. You made the choice long ago, and at the time believed in your choice. There's nothing wrong with that. You couldn't predict the future! Give yourself a break and capitalize on how awesome your children are. You are responsible for that! Pat yourself on the back! Your daughter is holding out hope? That's a good thing to hold, as long as she's not suffering because of it. As long as she's not feeling inadequate. It sounds like you have beautiful teenagers, and I wish luck to you. This is not all you!

Comment by lonesomedove on December 27, 2011 at 2:00pm: Thanks for the kind words of wisdom. It sounds like you also have a great daughter. I hope you both have a wonderful year.

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Blue October Is:

Justin Furstenfeld- Vocals, Guitar
Ryan Delahoussaye- Violin, Mandolin, Keyboards
Jeremy Furstenfeld- Drums
Matt Noveskey- Bass
Julian Mandrake - Guitar